The Winter Ski Season ...
Top ten list of things to do to prepare for the ski season: (And to
remind non-skiers why they do not ski.)
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to
9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times
in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.
Pretend you are looking for your car.
8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street
shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.
Be sure to wait in the longest line.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a
motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a
2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take
them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.